It is with great regret that I announce that I have just eaten a heavy meal over my work desk and I can’t type correctly anymore. I might not pass as a food blogger but don’t they say experience teaches everything?
With this new experience and what’s left of my strength and sanity, I have compiled a shortlist of the top 5 foods you shouldn’t eat at work if you love yourself.
Beans and Bread or Bread and Beans…anyone
It is not a coincidence that this happens to be what I’ve just eaten. If you want to take over the office, just add a boiled egg and you’ll be shocked at the speed at which your co-workers would flee when you fart. This one combination, though very tasty, drains every last strength left in your body and leaves you wondering if you should just shut down your PC and sneak home from the office. I think that’s what I’ll do after editing this article.
Yam or any other ‘yammy’ foods
This might come as a bit biased because I’ve never been a fan of yam, potatoes and other tubers. In fact, there’s is a long list of food I either simply dislike or suffer serious allergies from and yam is topping that list. I mean, how do y’all do it? It’s like eating boiled rock. Be like me, together we can stop the eating of yam, #StopEatingYam. Even if you must, please do not eat it at work.
I’ll try my best not to mention the foul smell that could make your fingers stink till the next morning or make your clients shy away from a handshake. Fufu is just too heavy to be eaten during work, except you’re a menial labourer who is about to balance bags of cement on his head.
Some people are healthy and want the biggest blast of protein they can get from a hardboiled egg. If you’re just putting hard-boiled eggs in a salad, that’s fine but if you’re bringing a bowl of eggs to work, microwaving them and eating them for breakfast, well, you are the worst. Do you not smell that? Do you not see your co-worker gagging in the back? Do you not perceive your hmm… Are you trying to take over the office?
Speaking from another personal experience, Cheetos (just like our cheese balls), though delicious, is not a work-friendly snack. Not only are they a loud chip to be snacking on, but, they also get your fingers covered in pixie dust, which you may or may not realize is all over your laptop, desk and paperwork, do you want them to float away to Neverland?
Additionally, when your fingers will be covered in the Cheetos pixie dust and, naturally, your first reaction will be to lick your fingers clean–until you notice everyone, your oga included, is watching you.
Although delicious, I do not eat popcorn because I get serious cough when I do, but if you’re lucky to be able to survive popcorn, then do not take it to work. Popcorn is a rather distracting food to take to to the office. First, there’s the reality that you’ll have to spend about three minutes standing next to the microwave listening to the loud, popping sound, hoping it’s not too loud but trust me, it would be.
Unfortunately, now you’ve got everyone’s attention, “What is that? Is that popcorn? Who is making popcorn right now?”
Next, everyone will start to smell it. And no, it’s not a bad smell; in fact, it smells really, really good. Like sheep, everyone will flock to where the popcorn is. Sure, this is a great way to draw people to you and, if you’re planning to share, you might become a popular co-worker to hang around. But, what you don’t realize is that you’ve created a popcorn crisis and now everyone needs to have it.
Moreover, you’ve just distracted the whole office and when your boss starts wondering why everyone is away from their desks eating popcorn, you’re the one holding the bowl. Just saying.
Some people love lobsters and want to eat it all the time. But if you’re bringing your leftover lobster thermidor for lunch, not only are you flaunting how richer you are than your co-workers, but you’re also warming up lobster and there’s no way that’s going to be a welcomed smell in the office.
Unless you’re spending your break pulling fresh oysters and clams from the ocean and bringing them back to work to share with everyone–save the seafood cravings for later.